I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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