You're a womanizer and a bitch.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
