Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
