allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
