Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
