Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
