the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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