I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
