I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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