I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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