I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
