I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
