The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
