we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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