i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
