it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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