names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
