That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
