Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
