he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
jump out the window naked night went bad
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
