dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
