I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
