did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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