Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
