she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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