he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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