His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
