This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
