ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
