she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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