if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
