she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
