it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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