Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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