stop calling my apartment porn island.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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