pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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