She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
