Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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