dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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