The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
