Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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