I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
