Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
