Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
