i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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