I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
