Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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