she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
