I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
