i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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