summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
