shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I did not marry a roomba.
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