so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
