I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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