He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Me too!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
