sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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